Why is Wireless Festival is arguably the worst music event of the year?

I received a ludicrous text from my little sister the other day. The text reads as follows:

‘Have you ever been to Wireless before’?

If you’re not sure what Wireless festival is, it’s similar to most other festivals, people travel for a weekend of music, beer (in this case probably a Barcardi Breezer, and some advertising), and hopeful sun. This specific festival takes place on the 3rd/4th/5th July 2015 at Finsbury Park, London.

I’m a little bitter at the question asked but, I swiftly and peacefully, with a hint of disappointment reply with a ‘Nah. Why, are you planning on going?’

Her reply: ‘nah, because they have good people, but there’s loads of rubbish people, but Niki minaj, drake, August etc. are all going but they aren’t all together they are on different days’.

Now, you have to love your family though thick and thin, and to be fair she’s 15. But, this was a poorly constructed sentence I just couldn’t accept. If Niki Minaj, Drake, and August Alsina are the good, then the rubbish must truly be unthinkably worse.

Curious, I feast my eyes upon the Wireless festival line-up. Your 2015 headliners ladies and gentlemen are Drake, the 28 year old Canadian rapper whose net worth is $55 million and has three number one albums under his belt. 25 year old Sweedish DJ Avicii whose net worth is $60 million, you may recognise him by club hit ‘Wake Me Up’ which has received over 548, 583, 168 views on Youtube. And last but please be the least, the French DJ whose net worth is $30 million, and whose career spans over 15 years – David Guetta.

You may find it hard to tell the difference between Avicii and Guetta as they both sound exactly the same. In fact, you may think a lot of the artists on the line up sound the same, what this line up lacks is some authenticity.
Okay, so I can’t completely dismiss the line-up, queen of R&B Mary J. Bilge makes an appearance, but apparently she’s less deserving on the line-up than Avicii and Kendrick Lemar.

I ask myself why I make a big fuss about this festival. Everyone is entitled to their music taste, but have you noticed the type of human being Wireless attracts? Orange, flowers in hair, bums out or, a competition of who looks better in a tank top and Air Max’s? Its distressing thinking about the day I would end up having If I ventured to Wireless festival.

But just don’t take my word for it, here’s the experiences of two attendees last year:

‘The atmosphere was pretty infantile and tense at times – it’s not so easy going unless you’re a 17 year old chav. It’s probably the worse festival I’ve been too, but we still made a good time of it’
– Mattha Busby

‘One group sat down for most of Kanye’s set, with their backs to him, taking pictures on their phones’
– Ryan Bassil

Good luck to Wireless 2015 attendees. And may your day be fuelled trying to impress others.